DilSay

This is my first blog. Don't have much idea about writing skill. Just trying to write something. Please excuse me for grammatical and poor English [: P].
Once I joined my current company, I never thought that one day will be like this. I lost almost everything of my life except Professional gain. Have good reputation in office but very bad reputation in Personal life: P.
I was thinking about my daily life and surprised that what ever I'm doing is right or not. But I don't have other options so I have to do like this.
I used to work almost 20 hrs daily. Main reason that life seems so boring to me that I enjoy to work than doing anything else. This year brought up lots of new thing in my life. One disaster was in my personal life. that is also in 1st month of year ( Time when people are still busy with new year picnic and saying each other Happy New Year).what a wonderful start I have !!!!! But no worry we can't force somebody. I tried from my way to make our relationship stable but nothing turns in right way.
Second thing, I went Brazil to save my one of project which was in worst condition. There even I did not get time to free from JET LAG.I landed in night and till morning I was trying to catch up with friends and informing them that I landed safely. Suddenly I realized that it’s going to be morning in SaoPaulo also.Finally went for sleep for 2-3 hrs and then actual game start in Brazil for which I was assigned. I never get time to sleep more than 2-3 hrs in a whole month. I was busy in cleaning shit which my team/ my self/Business have delivered. You can imagine how much good time I have in Brazil Sao Paulo (Where People love to enjoy their life, but my luck rocks there also).
There I had really very tough time. I never saw that management is pushing so hard for delivery. They are using slang which I never heard here in India. There was an American guy also with me and he also used to say, "If you use this kind of language in US, you will be fired that day". But there was one good thing I was not able to understand whether they are abusing me or not, because I don't know Portuguese.
I have one good friend of mine in Sao Paulo office, who translates everything to me, but it’s obvious he will not translate the things which people used to tell about me. His name was Anderson Honda. Thanks a lot buddy; you made my life easier in Sao Paulo. But he was also passing through break-up phase and you can understand rest of thing. But he was not like me. He was still trying to get his love back. God bless you dear..
In feb I was flying back from Brazil as my visa was getting expired. At saudi airport I got mail please resolve this issue its urgent. Thank God as it was urgent issue and Battery of my laptop was charged. I opened my laptop and started working at airport. Finally in 1 hrs issue was resolved and then I got a mail "Man!! How are you able to work in flight, we hope you didn't landed in India this time". I thought how stupid is this question? You never asked this thing in mail conversations before resolution of issue. Finally I landed around 10.10 a.m. on 13th feb (with lots of hope for 14th Feb hahaha ) at Kolkata and then after putting my lagguage I was back in office till 11:30 am.
I found worst condition here in Kolkata office in terms of Work. We have to deliver almost 10 developments on Monday and none of them was ready. Every development has 1000s of issues. I check all these issue and realized that "Pavan there is more things in your plate. lets take challenge and show the GOD that we( Human beings) also can do something, if you (GOD) are putting me in such situation, I can't stop earth rotating and time but yes I can eliminate this day and night terms from your dictionary”.
With lots of pain in my heart ( I don't want to disclose here) I started working with small group of 5 member and we pushed our self so hard that there was no difference in day and night.
For us night was started only on Monday after delivery every thing. Around 4 pm on Sunday, I was talking to somebody and in between I slept. Few minutes after that I wake up and got frustrated, "How it’s possible, I went for sleep". My friend realized me that I'm also a human being and need to sleep.

You know, frustrated people always use to do at least something to disturb others. I did same thing and started arguing with developer. Like your estimates are wrong...Your way of working is wrong...etc.
You may be surprised how we have delivered those objects which have lots of issue. I don't want to disclose here as it’s our business and my mind strike right time and we played very safe and we make it.

My manager has lots of faith on me and yes I was able to keep his faith on me.During this Friday morning till Monday night we have seen lots of thing, which was also very new thing for me.

I was shouting on one of my developer saying "If you work smarter may be I don't have to see this day". Suddenly another developer come to me and started arguing me. He was trying to make me understand that whatever happen to this development, they are not responsible. Anyways I can understand their frustration as they were feeling that they are help-less and no-body is there to help them before I landed.

My question: is it the Case? We have a big team. Where were other people of my team? I know few guys who can crack any issue. Where was the Problem?Did they asked anybody in team? (Don't confuse I'm not blaming anybody, this all question arises in my mind)

Anyways I didn't argue with developer and I calmed myself. I thought my dear Friend did you get chance to think about myself? What going on my mind. A people who is fully tired physically and mentally (very much depressed, There was 6 hrs gap in connecting flight and you can easily understand how will you feel after sitting for 6 hrs on chair.)

As I'm leader for them so I have to play role and honestly speaking I have stamina also to work for four/five consecutive day. I can work without eating anything but can't work continuously without bath. I used to go to one of my colleague place for bath (Very near to office).

In mid my room-mate called me and asked: "Boss where you are? As we are aware you are in Kolkata but at least meet once to us. Your daddy is searching you and you are not picking anybody phone also". (For information I used stay with two room mate They are very nice and caring.).

I replied, "Boss I don't know. This all things are "Moah maya" and I don't want to be like ordinary people. "Mai insab se upar jana chahta hoon (I want to go beyond this emotional bond), I came in this world alone and will go alone. Please don't wait for me and convey same thing to Daddy also".

I don't know what happen to me. Reply seems funny to you guys but I want to be like that. A person who doesn’t have emotional bond. A person who will not care whether his statement hurting somebody or not. A person who has freedom to do what he want to do (funny thing is that I'm emotional person!!!).Let sees how life goes.

Third worst thing happen in this was again personal, which I can write here. As you can understand what a great scheduled I had those days, after completing one of issue I went to sleep on of my colleague place (Near to office) around 9 a.m. morning. My dad called me several time but I didn't pickup ( Those days I was not picking up anybody calls except from office).He called my room mate and asked him that whether they are able to meet me. They replied no , we didn't.

Dad thought that he will come to my office to meet me. But he didn't come as one of my friend suggested that you will not able to find him (ME) as you don't know in which office and where is he?

I think this was very wise suggestion from my friend.My dad again called me up at that time I was in office and was very tired (as I went fro sleep around 9:15 and wake up 11 and come back to office till 12). This time I thought let us pickup the phone as now it two week I landed in India but never talk to Dad.He started shouting on me. I was silent and I never used to argue with him. He is saying something but nothing comes in my mind, I was just listening.

In mean he say hello, hello...are you listing? My replied was in thee word 'YES'. He got frustrated and he told "don't call me and you don't have to come home". I have taken this one also very easily and say "YES I WILL NOT".

After that he drops the call. No regret in my mind, it hurts him a lot but what can I do as I started travelling in a path where there was no place for any body. It seems psycho. But that time it was my mind status.Now developments are completed but next thing, that was night shift started and in this year I never get time to go at least my home where I used to stay from last 3 years.

I used to go home only on Sunday night. Now if you asked me why, honestly I don't want to go to the place where I used to stay. It has lots of memory which forced me to not enter in that room. One of my roommates also now is in USA, so no fun in room because another guy is very serious. So God has already started taking care of my Friends: P. Means they are also moving and that making me stronger to follow the path.

I'm flying Brazil again on 22nd may so it’s clear that I don't have to go to my room at least till I return from Brazil.

One thing I want to make it clear that nobody forced me to work like this but there was nothing interesting than work in my life to cope with this kind of situation. I’ll never forget few people who help me a lot to come out with mental depression and of course my dedication towards work.

Now life is very simple wake-up come to office stay till morning again go for sleep. Now enjoying helping other’s ( Earlier I used to busy in my own life, even I didn't get time to talk with my friends) in their all kind of problems. It’s really a great pleasure to help others without expectation. Please try to do so if you can. You will feel very happy. When ever now a day I used to do something and it turns right way I feel very happy that I did something in my life.

And one thing I understand that people who managed their personal and Professional life very well, they have great managing skill. It turns very hard for me and I failed completely.

Please don't mind if this blog hurts somebody indirectly/directly.